One day at a time..

Taking time to re-examine what the heck happened to my life…I still don’t have any more insight than I did a year ago.

One year ago.  So much can change in a year, and life has a funny way of changing things.  Forcing you to change..to change your belief, to change your habits. Your soul.

What happens next? Where do you go? What do you do? How do you know where you should be? I have so many questions.

I’ve never really asked myself these questions before, but this last year, after all the loss, I ask quite a bit.  In a span of about 6 months…I endured the loss of a close friend, then just 3 weeks later MY MOM, soon after that an old and dear friend, at thanksgiving another good friends mother passed, and my daughter lost a good friend in an auto accident right before Christmas.  That’s a lot of loss.  In 6 months.

I’m not sure I really want to know where I am going.

I am not sure I want to look back on where I came from.

I ache to have all those moments back. To move forward on a different path, to in some way recreate and change the reality it is to make it the way it could have been. To what I really want it to be.

I miss my family. I miss my friends.

There is never enough time.

🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸

how I felt…..Waves crashing.  Deep. Dark. Tormented. Wandering aimlessly. Wandering hopelessly.

Then I made pie 👩🏼‍🍳. And I feel like I can take the challenge on.  OK, it’s not really that easy.  But I have to push on.  My foggy brain can’t settle anywhere it just weaves in and out…stories, memories, pictures.  Sometimes i feel loving and nostalgic when they pop up, other times I cry.  I cry for the love I miss, the soul not here, the ear not there, or the wisdom I relied on.

I love baking, gardening, do it yourself. I love watching my kids sports, their dance recitals, debate tournaments, just spending time with my family makes me happy. (Sometimes by the end of the day though…I’m like…it’s mom time with a glass of wine)

I love taking pictures!! My camera is always close.

We love to travel. every chance we get we pack our bags and head to another place. i love to explore–monuments, libraries, museums, national parks, cultures. its an amazing world out there!

So, hey it’s cMarie.

Married mom of 4.

Living in a sort of small town suburb…but my heart is really in the big-city lights.

i have a lot to say…I think I chose to start today because I need to start looking forward again. Look at the flowers. Play in the sand.  Come get away with me and see the world.