It’s tough being an adult.
I’ve been doing it for..many years. On the calendar it says my age is 48. In my heart i feel like I am 13.
I wish my mind could understand that because it really wants me to be 48.
It wants me to pay the bills–on time!
It wants me to wash all the towels. Every week.
It wants me to get all my little ones to all of their many activities. Every day.
Oh responsibilities!
My heart wants to..
..run through the rain singing Beautiful Day.
..stuff my pockets full of the pretty rocks I see.
..gather fireflies in a jar and watch them sparkle.
..lay in the hammock all afternoon daydreaming of the life I might have.
I want to balance these two me’s but inevitably the adult me wins.
Why do I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. It’s heavy. It’s hard. It seems unforgiving.
🔹I have been mom to 4 pretty awesome kids for almost 18 years now. The oldest is a senior in high school. The youngest is a 7th grader. There is one boy and three girls. I love being a mom. It’s truly the best thing that has happened to me.
🔹I fully believe that the sacrifice I have made will come back to me two-fold. I don’t have one regret.
🔹I do everything I do so that my kids can be kids as long as possible. I want them to enjoy the world the way I have. I want them to be carefree and just be a young! Soon enough they will have real-life responsibilities.
In the end though, I hold onto these words: life is too short to not be happy. So, finding happiness in the place I am is so important. How can I do that?
It’s a real struggle. I want something different than the outward me can have right now.
My thoughts turn to a man who was so amazing in my life;
🔸He spread love and compassion. He showed me that boys can be respectful and kind.
🔸he served in WWII, he was a radio engineer who saw into the future. He challenged himself. He taught me that hard work can get you everywhere.
🔸he was a great father and grandfather. Family was his thing. Countless camping adventures we took, spending our summers on the road with he and grandma. Lots of late-night card games while enjoying his favorite-root beer floats.
🔸He cherished his bride. He was by her side as she grew weaker…he didn’t waver.
He was my grandpa. I love him and I respect him. I want to emulate him. I want to be passionate and unwavering in my love..but yet I’m finding it hard to let myself go. To love without boundaries.
🔺That’s me and my Grandpa ♥️✨
Now I ask myself-am I living the life I should be? How do I know the answer?
I wait 🙏🏼
The heart of a child. I’m in love. 😍
.belle âme. 